


Breaking Through the Divide

by thelinksthatconnectus (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark Annie, F/F, Femslash, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, POV Female Character, Stream of Consciousness, Surrealism, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1908156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thelinksthatconnectus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lines begin to blur on where Mikasa stands. Sometimes she's standing in a world infested by Titans, and is one of humanity's last hopes. Other times, she's wrapped in tight arms and suspended in crystal, held tightly against the very person that she once thought that she could trust. And that is exactly where Annie wants her to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me mainly because volume 8 of the manga was the most powerful for me. It was superb. However, it is going to greatly diverge from volume 9 and onwards.
> 
> I should update with the next chapter soon - probably in a few days, or a week or two at most. I don't have an exact idea of the full finished word count, but I do know that I will finish it.

The room was lot only by candles and gas lamps. It had a cold, damp feeling in it, and a shiver ran up Mikasa's spine.

"So this is where she's been?" Mikasa asked. Her eyes surveyed the rest of the room. From what she could make out, it was sparsely furnished save a few tables set out to the side that were covered in books and papers. The ground beneath her feet was hard and empty, and every footstep she took echoed throughout the room.

Hanjii nodded. They had brought a clipboard with them, though they had yet to actually write anything down. Their face was hard. "We haven't gotten through the crystal at all, not a single scratch or small break. Most have already given up on breaking through." They let out a sigh, and ran a hand through their dark hair. "I think that I might be one of them. Even before we knew who the female Titan was, I knew that she had to be smart."

"I'm sorry, Hanjii." Mikasa wrapped her scarf around her tighter, the bright red a stark contrast with the dark room. She also pulled her jacket around her tighter.

"Oh, there's no need to apologize. If anything, you're the hero in this, Mikasa. Were it not for you then we never would have captured Annie in the first place." Hanjii turned and looked to the door. "To be honest, I would rather that we have Annie trapped inside crystal here than out terrorizing humanity. From the little time we knew her, she did a lot of damage." They looked down to their clipboard once more, their eyes moving quickly across it. "Mikasa?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind if I got going? I hope that I don't seem rude, but there are a lot of things I need to investigate. A certain church for instance." Their eyes darkened. "I brought you here as you asked, though." Their eyes softened. "If you need me, you might need to do a little searching tonight. Tomorrow, though, I should be easier to find."

"I understand." Mikasa met them directly in the eyes. "Best of luck."

"Thank you, as I can use it." With their free hand, they formed a fist. "It should be easier to get answers out of those religious zealots, and I will be damned if I don't get something out of them." Their eyes locked on the crystal. "Someone is going to have to step up and confess." They turned and left.

Mikasa's eyes returned to the crystal. It was the only thing that really seemed to belong in the room; the tables and book's were just after thoughts.

She had heard that they put up guards, but by now had given up. It had been weeks since Mikasa had forced her off the wall and Eren had held her down.

All those weeks and everyone was still scrambling for answers.

"Why did you do it, Annie?" Mikasa's voice was barely above a whisper. "Did you want to prove something? Or was it revenge that you wanted? But then who did you want revenge on? Did something happen to you, something that you needed to get revenge for?"

-

Annie had forgotten how to open her eyes. Her eyelids felt as though they were weighted down by bricks.

However, she still knew how to smell.

The regular smell came in, and was speaking in their clear, directive voice. This time, they did not bring the smell of other Titans with them.

And then there was another, the smell of someone that Annie knew even better than the other person.

Mikasa.

It had seemed like such a long time since she had thought that name, though she knew it perfectly well. If it weren't for her then she wouldn't be here at all.

Or maybe, Annie thought. Maybe I just shouldn't have underestimated her.

She couldn't be sure how long she had been trapped inside the crystal. Darkness, she knew, was all around her, so she could not change forms. Beyond that, there was no real sense of time.

The two began to speak, though Annie could only make out half of it. It was something about religion, about getting answers.

Unless someone had declared Annie a goddess (and, sadly, Annie could see it happening), then she had no idea what this conversation had to do with her.

The conversation continued on, Annie only catching bits and pieces of it. For a moment, Mikasa's smell drifted.

"Hanjii" was one word she caught. The pieces finally clicked together; Annie had heard the name before yet never met them. Still, that was the person she constantly smelled.

Eventually, Hanjii's scent faded away until it was out of the room completely. Their scent began to weaken in the crystal - it was hard, and tended to trap the room's smells inside. It faded, only to be replaced by the regular musky, earthy smell of the dark room and the sharp scent of Mikasa.

Mikasa's footsteps echoed through the room and Annie's ears. With each step she took, she got closer and closer to Annie, until her scent was overbearing and threatened to encase her like the crystal had.

You're back, Annie thought.

-

I should move, Mikasa thought.

Annie's eyes opened very slowly, at a snail's pace. Still, her eyes opened further and further, showing off two icy blue eyes. Her mouth hung open, showing off teeth that were a little too sharp and a little too long, and a long pink tongue.

Her arm reached forward slowly, a hand beckoning Mikasa move forward.

No, Mikasa thought, I should run.

Still, her feet remained glued to the floor, and her body, though held in a defensive pose, was limp.

Annie moved as though she was suspended in some kind of thick liquid - perhaps something more like glycerin rather than water. Still, Hanjii had sworn that the only thing any of the scientists could detect inside of the crystal itself was Annie.

Her hand movement changed, going from that of beckoning Mikasa forward to reaching forward herself, directly towards Mikasa.

Her heart was beating so fast that she was sure that Annie could hear it.

Her hand reached effortlessly through the crystal, as if it were not so hard that even the most effective of swords and knife shattered on impact the moment that they touched it.

Her mouth had closed, settling into a lazy smile, and her eyes were again half closed.

With an iron grip, she wrapped her hands around Mikasa's scarf. Cold fingers chilled her neck as some reached up under the fabric and wrapped around her throat. Not tight enough to choke, but just enough to where Annie could get a good grip on her.

And then her arm retreated, and Mikasa could feel her feet again moving. Her arms remained limp, no matter how hard she tried to send them energy.

Energy, it seemed, was running out.

Her own eyes were beginning to close.

Annie's other arm was finally moving, wrapping almost protectively around her back and waist.

The crystal was colder than she expected. It felt a bit like a liquid, a bit like air, and nothing like the unbreakable solid cocoon that Hanjii had described.

She could feel her chest, perched up against Annie's own. Her other arm had moved from her neck around her back as well, holding her with steel arms and ice fingers. Their foreheads met, and by then Annie's own eyes were beginning to shut as well. From what little Mikasa could still see of her face, her lazy smile had become a grin, and a twinkle of victory ran through her eyes.

Mikasa's feet slid through the crystal with ease, until there was nothing left for her out there.

Then, her heavy eyes drifted shut and the last of her muscles weakened. Were it not for Annie's strong, cold hold on her, then she did not know how she would have remained upwards.

-

"Mikasa!"

"Mikasa!"

"Mikasa!"

The voices shifted, and rose higher and higher. It took Mikasa a moment to realize that they were all from the same person.

For a moment, she blinked rapidly, and took shaky steps with noodle limbs.

"Hanjii?" Her voice was low, and her throat was dry and cracked. "Hanjii, what are you doing here?"

From the corner of her eye, she looked at the crystal. Annie was in the same pose as before, as if she had never moved at all.

"I came back here to grab something; I'd forgot to get it earlier." Their frown deepened. "When I came down, you were looking at Annie so intensely. You didn't seem to be moving at all, your body faced directly towards the crystal, and I had no idea if you knew that I was in the room."

"I'm sorry." Mikasa walked forward towards the door.

"Mikasa, is something wrong?"

"I'm just tired and need some food."

"Alright," Hanjii responded. They stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Mikasa's shoulder. "I got what I needed. Come on, let me help you up."

The two made their way to the door, and from there the outside world. The sun was beginning to set, and night falling. A chill wind ran through the air, and it made Mikasa's legs shake.

"Do you need me to call a doctor?"

Mikasa shook her head. "I just need some soup and to rest."

"Fine. Still, if you aren't any better tomorrow then I will call someone in."

Mikasa nodded. That was fair enough.

Still, she couldn't be sure that a doctor could do much to help with Mikasa's current problem.

-

Mikasa's scent moved further and further away from her. In the dark, Annie clung to what little she had left of her. The crystal was all but completely filled with it, though it too was fading.

There's nothing you can do to stop it, some little voice in the back of her mind said.

Annie couldn't be sure if that little voice was really hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Titans cannot be ignored, even if they are so small in their human bodies.

"Is something wrong?"

Mikasa stiffened in her chair, pulling her arms towards herself and dropping her still uneaten food back on her plate.

"I'm sorry."

Mikasa turned to Sasha. She truly did look sorry, her eyes wide and mouth set in a deep frown. Her hands were at her side and not her plate.

"You just seemed like you were thinking too hard about somewhere or something else."

Mikasa pushed her plate forward, wincing at the sound of it as her glass plate rubbed against the wooden table. "Look, if you want my food then you can have it. Eat up."

It was a whole plate of good meat, warm, fresh bread, and warm vegetables - carrots and butter covered mashed potatoes in fact. Normally, Mikasa would have been excited to eat such fine food (Hanjii had said that they managed to convince the Military Police to feed them while the Survey Corps was in the area in return for silence on Annie). Now, however, she could not even bring herself to look at the food, let alone actually eat it.

Sasha's frown deepened, and wrinkles began to line her otherwise youthful face. Surprisingly, she pushed it back without eating a bite. "You need it, Mikasa. You haven't touched anything all night."

Mikasa stiffened. "I heard that you just got in here today after facing off against titans. If anyone deserves it, it's you." It took all her energy to sound concerned.

Sasha merely reached across the table, broke the bread into two pieces, and left the larger half on the plate below her.

"I'm worried about you, Mikasa." Sasha took a bite out of her bread. "I don't know what happened, but you seem different now."

Mikasa wanted to speak up, to tell Sasha that the only person that she needed to worry about was herself. However, the look on Sasha's face was genuine. Besides, if Mikasa did tell her to mind her own business, then surely she would only grow more suspicious.

Mikasa's eyes drifted down to her plate. All the food seemed like sand paper.

Familiar eyes fell on her. Eren and Armin were wordless, though she need not even imagine what they thought. She picked up her fork and ate a small bit of mashed potatoes - a mere forkful. A bit of the melted butter ran down her chin and landed on her scarf.

It took far more effort than usual to swallow.

-

Just like the food, the rooms that Hanjii had gotten were delightful. Mikasa had once thought that the Yaegers had the softest mattresses in the world, but this put Mikasa's old bed to shame.

It was luxuriously soft; the moment Mikasa had laid down on it, her limbs had relaxed instantly. The sheets were silky and smooth, while still keeping her warm. They were dyed a beautiful blue, one that screamed of wealth. Even the pillows were heavenly, as if clouds had been plucked from the sky and placed on the bed for her.

It needed only one more thing to be the best bed in the world: Mikasa actually being able to sleep.

No matter how heavy her eyelids were, she just ended up closing her eyes and listening to herself toss and turn. Once she grew tired of it, her eyes would open once more. Closed or open, her eyes only saw darkness.

A private room, Mikasa thought. Hanjii went out of their way to get you a private room, and you can't even sleep in it.

She wrapped her arms around her waist, and pulled herself further under the silken blankets, until she was completely under them. At least then she would not have to see the shadows that dashed and danced along the walls.

-

Mikasa couldn't even be sure if she was awake. Though the bed was around her and blankets on top of her, cold arms reached up and wrapped around her waist.

It had to be a dream; the body would have to be below her.

Mikasa's eyes remained firmly trapped on the blanket above her, though she had seen pale white hands and arms before they had wrapped around her. 

"Mikasa?"

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Mikasa, what's wrong?"

Something cold touched her neck - perhaps lips, perhaps another's skin, perhaps even hair.

"Mikasa, what's wrong?" repeated the voice. The longer that she listened, the more that she recognized it.

"I'm worried about you, Mikasa." The tone wasn't mocking - far from it. Her tone of voice sounded as though it would have belonged to Eren, Armin, or Sasha.

But never Annie.

Annie didn't care or worry about anyone - anyone but herself at least.

The arms around her waist tightened.

-

For a moment, Mikasa could only stare wide eyed at the wad of bills in Armin's hands.

"Where did you get that?"

"Huh?" Armin looked up to her. "Oh, this? It's definitely a lot; I counted." His frown deepened. "The Female Titan caused a lot of damage."

As if she didn't know.

"A lot of it has to be paid off." Armin held the bills up. "Hanjii asked me to use this to hold off some people and keep them from getting angry." His eyebrows slanted, and he clutched the bills ever tighter. "There was a Titan inside the walls, risking the lives of thousands, and yet all they worry about is money."

Mikasa nodded.

"Want to come with me?"

Mikasa froze for a moment. Finally, she nodded. There was nothing that she needed to get done at the moment.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

"Tired?"

Mikasa nodded.

"Did something happen to you?" Armin's eyes widened.

"You don't need to worry about me." Mikasa's voice lowered. "I just had a hard time sleeping."

Armin nodded, and then motioned for her to follow them.

As they walked, they passed the wall. It was in the distance, but the tall, looming structure was impossible to ignore. It was even harder to try and ignore the Titan, dead as it may have been, that stared at nothing with it's still open eyes.

A shiver ran up Mikasa's spine, and she picked up her pace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a mess Mikasa has to clean; it's such a shame that blood so easily stains.

The whole world was her enemy now, she supposed. At least the whole world save her father, Reiner, and Bertholdt, and she didn't even know if any of them were still alive.

All she had was the crystal.

Yet for all the curse it was, it was so much better to have that wall between her and the outside world. From what little she had learned of Hanjii, she had hypothesized that the scientist surely would have dissected her like an animal were Annie not shielded. That was not even the worse that could possibly happen - there were some who would beat her in the dark streets, let blood spill from her skin until she was nothing but a pile of flesh in a red pool. Others would hang her, tying the noose so hard that it might take her neck and lower body apart. Others would take her head off, and people would cheer as a shining blade was brought down on her neck.

She imagined those scenarios sometimes. As morbid as it was, it was one of the better ways to pass time.

Sometimes Mikasa stood at the front, a line of soldiers sandwiching her on both sides. Their eyes would meet - blue to a cold, unreadable grey. Both mouths would be set in firm lines.

Other times, Mikasa was at the very back, a speck only recognizable by the bright red scarf ever tied around her neck. She would be a blob, a pile of colors, but her stare would always be harder than that of anyone else in the crowd.

The worst times were when Mikasa was the one who raised the axe, or the one tying the noose around Annie's pale neck. Her images of Mikasa pushing her to the ground and trying to crush her like a bug were both nightmares and possibilities.

Annie had seen that cold look in Mikasa's eyes many times before. She had people who depended on her and needed her, and she would do anything to keep them safe.

The whole world was her enemy, yes.

Sometimes it just felt like she was only fighting one.

-

Armin moved around the district easily. The stack of bills in her friend's hand dwindled, and never once was a single piece of paper used for either his or Mikasa's personal needs. Her friend had a way of charming the elite, and genuinely comforting those in need. Had his older self seen him, then he surely would have been amazed at who he would become.

Some they saw looked poor, and not too different from those that Mikasa and her friends had grown up beside. The adults had sad, hollow eyes and wrinkled faces - most of their lips were set in either frowns or looks of shock. Though word surely must have spread around by now that the walls were made of Titans, it still must have been a shock.

Mikasa had known it for some time, and it still brought a chill to her spine and sent harsh memories flooding her mind.

All that time, walls had been falling - Titans destroyed by Titans. Titans had been what had been protecting them from Titans.

Titans, Titans, Titans.

(Titans were what she saw when she closed her eyes. Thousands flashed before her eyes, but the scariest was the one who had sat beside her at meals and fought with her during hand to hand combat training.)

Maybe that was how humans had first felt when the Titans had first attacked. Perhaps they had looked to the future with hopes in their eyes, and went to bed dreaming of a supposedly brighter tomorrow.

That future hadn't been reached yet.

What brought her comfort was the grey, cloudy skies. It looked as if it could rain at any time. Though it surely wouldn't wash away the district of its fears and pains, at least it would clean the streets. Besides, rain certainly wasn't Titan weather.

Finally, the last bill was gone, and the two were alone.

"Are we turning back now?" Mikasa asked. It wasn't all the walking that had drained her that day, but dealing with the people. Most idolized her, looking at her as if she and Armin had the answer to everything. Looking over to her friend, she noticed that his own eyes were hollow, and his arms and legs slacked. He had been the one who had done most of the talking.

Armin nodded. "I don't think that there's anything else that we can do here. Hanjii will be pleased to see us again."

Mikasa leaned forward, wrapping her arm around his back like she had when they were children. "Do we just follow our way back?"

Armin nodded. His steps were weak and slow, his feet just barely moving in front of the other.

She tightened her grip on him; she would be damned before she let one of her best friends fall.

-

Dinner was a tense, quiet affair. Most noise came from the clinking of metal silverware against glass plates, or the sound of chewing.

Sasha was a lucky girl, Mikasa realized. Her friend was miles away, but she was perhaps the luckiest girl that Mikasa knew. She could get lost in food and escape any hardship; it was what had gotten her through her younger years and through training to join the scouting legion. If she were here, she would be eagerly digging into her meal, wrapped in bliss.

Mikasa had her food, and she could taste it on her tongue, but she could also hear the clinking of glass.

Eren's head was down; his eyes were hard to read, and his mouth was set in a straight line. Armin had barely touched his food. Hanjii wasn't even at the table, and instead was off doing some sort of research. Someone had mentioned what it was using technical terms, most of which she doubted anyone in the room but Armin understood.

The damages caused to the wall and the subsequent work Mikasa faced helping sway civilians to the Survey Corp's side was understandable. Armin surely had expected the same thing, as he had shown no actual sign of regretting taking the job. Though it had exhausted both of them, it was nothing compared to how tired they were afer fighting Titans.

But not one had expected for the Titans to make them tense, leaving everyone serious. At least when they were training there had always been a joke or story to tell. Now, it seemed as if everyone were caught inside some sort of web.

No, not a web - a cold, hard crystal, and no one could break through it.

It was hard to swallow her food that night, no matter how tiny she cut it up or how much water she drank with it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both just want to forget.

She had wanted to forget, to be able to move on, to really join the Military Police and live a better life. A life where food was easily found and her work was always done. A life where at the end of the day she could return to her dwellings and be with others who at least tolerated her. Annie wasn't asking for hundreds of devoted admirers or to go down in history books (not when she lived in a time no one would want to remember).

She wanted a life without her father.

She forgave him, or at least she supposed. He did what he had to.

"These are desperate times," he had constantly reminded her. "The world isn't what it used to be."

But he hadn't lived in that world, had he? He wasn't ignorant of a world filled with Titans; the histories he spoke to her before bed were as much stories to him as they were to her.

There was no past and no one could be certain if there would be a future.

A life without Titans was a day dream, a look into the world that might have never really existed. Who was to say that there truly ever was a time when there weren't Titans? Her father hadn't lived in that time, nor was there anyone left alive who could truly remember that fantastical utopia. Maybe there was just the time before the walls and the time after.

If she joined the Military Police then there was at least some hope. Her father would be miles away, and the only reminder of what he had done to her, what he had put inside her and changed her, would be the cool metal ring around her finger.

At least that was what she told herself the day she left her home to train.

The steps she took were lighter than usual. For a few moments, she felt happiness.

"Annie!" her father called, voice filled with desperation.

Without thinking, she raced forward, putting all her strength into her legs.

"Annie, please stop! I just need to tell you something." The sound of his own feet knocking hard against the ground filled her ears.

Annie ran harder, ignoring the pain in her legs and the throbbing of her heart against her rib cage. She gritted her teeth and tightened her fists.

"Annie! Annie!"

She ran because there was nothing else to do. No past, and only a heart throbbing future. Time stretched, as if she were going to run for eternity (and maybe there were worse fates than that).

And then, once the last of her energy was gone, her legs and feet burning with every movement, she stopped. She stood still, face stoic and ears listening. Other than the snapping of twigs, the roar of wind, and the chattering of squirrels in trees and birds over her head, there was nothing.

Once she had rested for a while, she continued walking forward. It wasn't as if she had the option to turn back.

-

Hanjii was unusually silent. Perhaps the past few hard days had finally worn down on them. Or maybe they just had nothing to report.

Either way, the silence among the group kept making the tensions between everyone rise. Eren's face was hard and anxious. Armin looked as if he were sitting on needles. Mikasa fidgeted with her legs below the table. Dinner hadn't even been served and already her stomach seemed to be rebelling against her. It shifted and fidgeted inside of her, putting her entire body on edge.

Things weren't supposed to be this way.

And yet, somehow, this was exactly how everything was.

Mikasa bit her lip. There were no Titans to fight, no news, and nothing else to bring up in discussion. She had never been a chatty person, yet part of her desired to simply break through the silence, to crash through it and destroy it.

Instead, she stared at the others.

Levi was off dealing with other business, but from what little Mikasa had gathered from Hanjii's earlier sparse words, he was angry. No one liked Levi when he was angry.

Mikasa stiffened. She could still remember the bruises on Eren's face and body after the trial. Still, he had somehow looked up to the short man with awe.

Mikasa's stomach tightened further.

Levi was after answers, and he didn't bother trying to get them the peaceful way.

Her own day had consisted of what had felt like needless errands to help pass the time. The wall was beginning to wear down on her and drain her energy. Yet from what she could tell, she would probably be here for a good long time unless something suddenly changed. But there was nothing clear about the future, nothing that Mikasa could look forward to and count on.

"Should I have been more subtle?"

The noise was nerve wracking. Mikasa's head turned towards Armin, her eyes wide. Everyone else seemed to have their eyes locked on him as well.

"I was thinking," the blond continued, his eyes cast down onto the wooden table, "that if I had just disguised my words better that Annie wouldn't have figured it out. We could have fooled her, captured her, and this all wouldn't have been for nothing."

For a moment, there was silence. Mikasa's heart was pounding, growing faster and faster by the moment. Hanjii's face was unreadable and Eren's eyes had also turned towards the table. He was frowning almost as heavily as Armin was.

"Don't ever say that again."

Mikasa looked up. She had never seen Hanjii look this angry before, at least not when any of the three were around. For a moment, light shone on the lenses of their glasses, blocking view of their eyes.

"What happened has already happened. As much as we wish otherwise, we can't change it." Their own eyes looked down to the table. For a moment, they were silent. After a few moments, they looked back up again. "Annie probably had known that she was wanted for quite a long time. When you guys showed up, she probably already had a few flags raised."

For a moment, it seemed as if the group of friends was waiting for one of the others to respond. All eyes were on Hanjii. Out of anyone, they were the only one who seemed to have answers.

"That's the thing about Annie," Hanjii continued, voice low and nearly monotone. "She's an uncontrollable variable."

-

It felt a bit like being in a dream, though it seemed too real for Mikasa's liking. Her feet moved as if by magic, her body following a predetermined route as if being pulled by an invisible string. Other rooms passed her by. There was the door to the room that Eren and Armin were sharing.

There was Hanjii's door as well. Though the heavy wooden door was closed, a faint light could be seen coming from the bottom of the door.

What are you still doing up? Mikasa thought. Even the voice in her head sounded tired. Her eyes only seemed half open, and it almost felt as if she were floating.

The world passed her by quickly, in the way that dreams did. There was no sound at all, no creaking of wood or rustle of fabric.

When she got to the door, her hand moved forward and opened it easily. Outside, the night sky was filled with a seemingly endless number of stars. The rest of the sky, however, was pitch black.

Though Mikasa was barefoot, she didn't feel any pebbles or twigs digging into her feet, let alone the feel of the cobblestone road. No splinters were felt, nor the sharp pain of broken glass (and there was so much of it these days). It took her a while to register the breeze, which rustled her hair and the long skirt of her nightgown.

The walk was a blur. It was hard to see with the thick shadows around her. Still, her feet moved on, heading towards somewhere that even her eyes did not know of.

It wasn't until she actually got there that her stomach filled with long needed dread. Finally, her senses really started to come back to her and the dream like feeling began to vanish.

No, she thought, even as her feet moved on. No, no, no!

It was too late when she tried to fight. It was Mikasa against her legs. What was worse was that no one else seemed to be out. There was no one to help her, no one to notice the sleepwalking, trance induced girl.

When she finally got to Annie, her eyes were wide, legs heavy, and heart racing. Annie merely smiled at her. At least Mikasa thought she did. There wasn't a light inside of the room, and for some reason there weren't any guards stationed around the crystal. Weren't there supposed to be guards?

This is only a dream, Mikasa told herself. None of this is real.

The words, however, lacked the feeling of her senses. Finally, she could feel hard wood against the soles of her bare feet and the cold, hard brush of her fingertips against the crystal'a edge. Then the feeling was gone, and she could just faintly see her hands passing through the supposedly solid surface.

A dream, she reminded herself. Nothing but a dream.

It had to be.

-

"Mikasa!"

Mikasa awoke with a jump. Her heart raced, and she couldn't remember a time in her life when she had been more startled. Her body ached and she shivered.

She blinked a few times, her eyes on an empty wall, and just below it a hard floor. Where was she?

"Eren, Armin, and I have been looking all over for you! What are you doing here? What happened?"

Mikasa wanted to reply, yet no words came to mind. What was she doing here?

Hanjii, yes, Hanjii, someone Mikasa that she knew and could trust, held out their hand. Mikasa took it, and with shaking legs stood up.

It was then that she saw the crystal. Though she could only see the edge in the corner of her eye, she froze. This was where she had been the night before. This was what had happened!

"Mikasa, is something wrong?"

It seemed like a ridiculous question. Something was definitely wrong.

Instead of replying, however, Mikasa merely opened up her other hand, which had been closed into a tight fist.

Hanjii gasped and nearly stepped back, but stopped before they could lose their grip on Mikasa. For a while, Mikasa just stared back down at the object, in as much awe as Hanjii was in. Still, a cold feeling settled in her chest and her stomach tightened.

There was no mistaking what the heavy, solid object in her hand was. It sparkled even in the dim light. The edges were cracked like glass and yet the surface shone.

The piece of crystal, Annie's crystal, sat still in the center of Mikasa's palm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She can't relax, not now, not when everything she wants is just out of her reach.

"This changes everything," Hanjii said. The longer they spoke, the faster they moved, and the faster that they moved the more that they spoke. Mikasa could barely move her eyes fast enough to keep up with them.

Though the crystal, which had seemed so heavy in her hands, was now gone (Hanjii having long since grabbing it out of Mikasa's hand) and her palms empty, she still felt weighed down. The world seemed to bear itself down on her shoulders, and the room dark room she was in seemed to grow smaller and smaller the longer that Mikasa stood in it. Hanjii hardly seemed to notice the walls closing in around the two, or three if Annie counted.

Annie, who still lay hidden behind a wall of crystal, eyes closed and lips turned down.

Mikasa couldn't be sure how long she had been in the room. Hanjii had woken her up, gasped at the sight of the crystal, and torn it from her hands. Since then, they had been moving around the room, muttering to themself and yet loud enough to wear Mikasa could hear them.

Loud, so very, very loud.

Perhaps even Annie could hear Hanjii's words.

Mikasa froze, her eyes again locking on the crystal.

The more the room tightened, the closer that the two were.

Isn't that what she wants? Mikasa thought, looking back. She always seemed to come back to the blonde, even when she did not want to, as if Annie herself were making her do it.

And she would only do it if that was what Annie truly wanted.

"Mikasa!"

Mikasa turned. Her heart beat against her rib cage - so loud, so very, very loud. Could Annie hear it? Did it echo inside her crystalline cage?

"Mikasa, how did you get this? How?" Hanjii's eyes gleamed, and they stepped closer and closer to her. "Mikasa, I can't even begin to describe how fantastic this is. Whatever you did could really help us. Erwin and Levi will be so pleased to hear this." One word tumbled out of Hanjii's mouth after the other. "Please tell me, Mikasa. I must know!"

"I," Mikasa stammered. Her hands shook, her sweaty palms vibrating. "I don't know."

"Mikasa-"

"I don't know!"

For a moment, there was silence, neither moving.

"Was it a knife?" Hanjii asked. "A sword? Did you crack it slowly or did it all come off at once? Could it have just fallen off of the crystal?"

The moment one word was in Mikasa's ear, the next was quickly forced out. "I don't know. I just woke up and it was... It was there, in my hands."

Right where Annie had left it.

She closed her eyes, blocking the room from her vision. Yes, Annie had given it to her, right after the two had been in the field.

The field...

The field with the big trees and the endless sea of long, green and yellow grass. The field where Annie had been, smiling and looking as if she had never been bruised in a fight before. She had seemed so unusually happy, and her unexplainable joy had only increased when she saw Mikasa.

Mikasa forced her eyes open. The feeling of grass tickling her legs disappeared and the small breeze stopped tickling her face.

She was back, in that dark room with Hanjii. The walls were even smaller than before.

"Mikasa, what's going on?" Hanjii's voice had risen even higher. Their face was crinkled and eyes wide, locked on her. "You've been acting so strange lately. Both Eren and Armin mentioned it to me. Is something the matter?"

"I, I-" Mikasa stepped back. How could she finish that sentence? Every thought left her mind, flying off and leaving her brain empty. There was no rational thought here, and could not be. Not when the walls were closing in, not when Annie was so close...

She turned.

She ran.

-

Annie would have stiffened if she could. The scent of Mikasa had faded from the air, until there was so little of it that it was hard to tell if she had ever been there.

Come back, Annie thought. Had she had the strength, perhaps she would have tried to run after her. But it was so much easier to simply let Mikasa inside than to break through the crystal itself. And after all the energy she had used the night before...

There was still a strong scent in the air, dirt and sweat mixed together. Even the loud, frantic footsteps alone alerted Annie of who was there.

She could just faintly feel Hanjii running their fingers over the surface of the crystal, sending small waves running through its inside. They had been going at it for sometime ever since Mikasa had left.

"But there's no cracks," she faintly heard them say. Their words shifted, more like sounds strung together than words. It was like when she had been younger and accidentally fallen into a lake. A few of her friends had cried for help, their words, seemingly so far away and spoken in such a strange way, filling her ears as water had filled her lungs. It wasn't until her father had dove in and pulled her out that she had she had heard things correctly again.

Her father-

She could still see him, younger than before, without the wrinkles that had slowly begun to fill his face years later. Back then, both had known how to smile. Her father had been strong then, and hadn't needed her to be strong for him.

Not yet.

Mikasa, Annie thought, struggling to tear the images of her father from her brain. Mikasa! Mikasa! Come back! Come back!

"No fragments," Hanjii continued.

Annie kept screaming, filling her head with words and images. Mikasa's face, which had been so close to hers only hours before, when her breath had hovered against Annie's neck, was at the very front of her mind. If she could just focus on it...

Eventually, the waves stopped, and Hanjii's footsteps moved away. Silence descended on the room, and eventually even the smell of sweat and dirt vanished.

-

Mikasa breathed in once, then out once again. Her mother had taught it to her years before as a calming technique.

"Do it like this," her mother had said. A smile had crossed her pale, pretty face, and her dark eyes had never looked away from Mikasa. "I can't say that it will fix everything, but it should help you, especially when I'm not there."

Mikasa breathed in again, letting the familiar scent of wool fill her nose. Her red scarf, the oldest thing she owned, was wrapped around her nose and mouth. With it so close to her face, it was hard to ignore the way that the color had faded over time and the loose strands of yarn that were beginning to come undone. Had Carla been around, perhaps she could have fixed it; she had made it herself, and even made her a matching hat one cold winter. The hat was gone by then, Mikasa having long since outgrown it.

Mikasa breathed out. She would do it again and again at least until her heart stopped racing. As her mother had said, it couldn't fix everything. Still, it was all that she had.

If I just relax, Mikasa thought, then perhaps I can leave the city. There have to be other places I can go, places that need help.

Maybe she would go where Sasha was stationed. Were there Titans there? Mikasa had heard rumors, and whether or not they were true didn't matter. Not any longer, when just about any other place in the world seemed better.

If she ran, then she could escape, to a place free of Annie. To a place where she could truly fight and truly help people.

Surely Eren and Armin want to leave, Mikasa thought. With the way things are going, the Survey Corps probably don't even need us around. Not when they have so many problems of their own to deal with.

As soon as relief entered her body, a warm fire filling her chest, it was quickly extinguished. The Survey Corps was not about to give up Eren, not when he had the chance to answer the thousands of questions he had. He was their only Titan Shifter, and they would sooner let another wall fall than see him go.

Armin? Hanjii seemed to have grown a liking for him, complimenting him and asking for help.

Mikasa?

Mikasa knew who she was.

All that time trying to be the very best, the top of your group, she thought. All that time trying to be unbeatable, to protect the people you love and care for... All that time and you can't even protect yourself.

Mikasa took another breath in; for the longest time, she did not let it out.


End file.
